Some say the first years of marriage are the hardest. Of course, for some newlyweds this may not be the case. For others, however, the transition into married life can be difficult. Once the “honeymoon phase” fades away it is common to find yourselves stuck in a routine. The excitement of the engagement and the wedding planning is over and you go back to your normal daily grind of eat, work, sleep.
While it is more common to get married a bit later in life these days, there are still plenty of people in their early twenties. Life in your twenties can still be a tumultuous growing experience: new careers, new friends, finding new hobbies and passions, moving to new cities and simply learning about yourself. Traveling down the road of self-discovery in your twenties can begin to create a lot of strain on a new marriage. This is especially true when you slowly learn everything that you thought you wanted in life isn’t necessarily what you want anymore. You may suddenly feel like you are on a completely different page than your spouse.
So, what do you do about it? If you really do love the one you are with and have all the desire to make it work, then find new ways to reconnect with one another. The following are a few ideas on keeping a piece of your independence while also maintaining that bond with your new spouse:
- Ease up on the use of your cell phone and social media. Technology has become a huge distraction in relationships. It’s easy to stop listening to one another as you mindlessly scroll through your phone or create other bonds with people on social media. Make a rule that no cell phone use is allowed after a certain time.
- Find common interests. If one of you is passionate about working out, try to encourage the other to join in. If you both love movies, plan a date night to go see a film or find one to watch at home. You don’t have to love everything that your spouse is into but having a few things to enjoy with one another can help you to stay connected.
- Listen to one another. When you speak do you want someone to listen to you and give you 100% of their attention? You should be doing the same for your spouse. Any relationship deserves compassion, understanding, and respect.
- Being married doesn’t mean you have to do everything together. Continue with the things you love and find time for yourself to recharge if need be. Having your own time is important in a marriage and should not be constantly sacrificed if you need it.
- If finances allow, travel together. This is a great opportunity to bond over new and exciting things that neither one of you has experienced before.
All marriages take work. Life isn’t going to be perfect 100% of the time. If you find that you are past the point of repair, you should identify that as well. A loveless marriage isn’t healthy for either party. Making the decision to end a marriage is not something to be taken lightly and will likely be a difficult road to navigate for a while, but in the end, you need to do what is right for you and the life you live.